Grief is nature's way of keeping couples together

Published on Thu, Oct 16, 2008 at 13:23 in Wild Wacky World section

London: They say that long distances often help revive romance in a relationship, as lovers can’t stand the stress of being parted. Now, the notion has been backed by a scientific study, which suggests that grief is nature's way of keeping couples together.

While working with one of nature’s only monogamous mammals, the prairie vole, as a model for human attachment, Larry Young from the Emory University School of Medicine in Georgia and Oliver Bosch from the University of Regensburg, Germany, examined the role of stress, which is plays a significant role in the grieving process.

In the study, the researchers paired 18 male voles with females and 20 males with males for five days, enough time for male and female to mate and form an enduring attachment to each other. The researchers then separated half of each group from its partner and assessed their "mental state".

They found that males that were separated from their female partner displayed behaviour reminiscent of depression and anxiety in humans. They spent more time floating rather than swimming when dunked in water and struggled for less time when held upside down by the tail, compared with those voles that had been separated from another male. In vole terms, this means that they showed less will to fight against stressful situations. The bonded voles also had double the level of the stress hormone corticosterone in their blood, suggesting that CRF, the brain peptide that regulates the stress response, has a role to play in the grieving process.

Young said that the effects seen in the study are very different from those of isolation.

"When the animals lose their bonded partner, the CRF system becomes overactive. In nature this can be a good thing because this stress response makes them seek out their partner again, helping to maintain a stable relationship," New Scientist quoted Young, as saying. He speculates that if this over activity lasts for a long period of time then that may lead to behaviours like depression.

"What we are tapping into here is the flip side of the attachment bond. Pleasure sensors of the brain are activated when couples are together but there is another mechanism involved with the stress of being parted," Young said.

Katherine Shear, a psychiatrist from Columbia University, told New Scientist: "Currently we have no effective medication for people who are struggling with prolonged periods of debilitating grief. This work does provide early promise of developing such an approach." The study is published in the journal Neuropsychopharmacology.

Beautiful thoughts

How to move from Pain to Peace

I found this short story in my inbox today and I think its worth spending some time reading it.

**-----------------------------------***--------------------------------------**

There once was a man who was sentenced to 25years of back breaking labor. His wrists were tied to the handle of a huge wheel that was inlaid in the wall. His job was to turn the wheel 10 hours a day. For years, day in and day out, the prisoner would wonder what he was doing with this wheel. What was the meaning of his work? What was on the other side of this wall? Was he grinding grain? Pulling up water? Moving some sort of conveyer belt? For 25 years he contemplated the meaning of his work, and for 25 years he spun that wheel. It was grueling, but he survived. When his sentence was complete he was released from prison. The first thing he did was run to the other side of the wall to see what he had been doing all this time. What did he see?

Nothing!

There was nothing attached to the wheel. For 25years, 10 hours a day, he was spinning a wheel for absolutely no purpose. When the man realized his true sentence, he collapsed and died. The prisoner was able to survive 25 years of back breaking labor, but when he realized that it was all for nothing, he couldn't survive for another moment.

So what's the difference between pain and suffering?
Pain has a purpose. Suffering is true torture because it has no meaning.
Pain is bearable. Suffering for no reason is devastating.

Ask any woman about child labor. How was it? Would you do it again? Most women will answer: It was painful, but I didn't suffer. I would do it again.

This is the key to surviving problems and making it through to a new love and peace in your life. If you think there's no purpose to your emotional hurt, you'll just want out. You'll run from your kids, your responsibility, your vows...you'll run from it all just to get relief from an unbearable suffering.

But if you can come to understand why you're in this situation, then you'll succeed to make it through like a woman in child labor.

**-----------------------------------***--------------------------------------**

Since Meeting You....

Since Meeting You

I Know that Love

Is the Most Important Feeling

One Can Have

I used to think

that love was only real in the movies

and that I enjoyed being alone

I used to think

that I was too independent

that I didn't need anyone

because I was so strong

But after meeting you

I realize that my attitude

towards love

was merely a cover-up of

my disappointment with relationships

I put on a strong, noncaring front

so no one would know how I felt

But after meeting you

I could no longer pretend

My feelings became transparent

and now I want to tell the world

something I always knew but

was afraid to admit

that love is the most important

feeling one can have

and I want to thank you for

causing me to be honest

with myself and others

I Love You!!!

-Poem by Susan Polis Schutz

Diwali in Mangalore

Diwali -- the festival of lights and celebration and this Diwali, of the year 2008, has brought about lights in my life too. It did bring out a stream of glow and a burst of happiness into the dark corners of my life.

My visit to the Kudroli temple was a great experience. Lord Krishna stood out there hodling his flute and I could feel that Love all around him. Goddess Annapoorneshwari with all her jewels doned, giving away blessings for wealth and prosperity, was a great sight.

Almost Single - by Advaitha Kala

One look at the title would attract almost all women in the late 20's. From the time I saw a review on this book, in one of the newspapers, I was eagerly waiting to get the delivery and start reading. Beleive it or not it just took me 7-8 hours to reach the final page, once I got a hand on it. A real good book, jotting down some silly and also the intricate feelings of the Indian urban women nearing their 30's.

One book that all of us in today's world can relate to... If you enjoyed watching "Life in a Metro", then you would really enjoy flipping through this one too. And one more similarity to the movie is the mention of several saree draping sessions, which took my thoughts back to the gorgeous Shilpa Shetty in the movie ;-)

Assumptions...

Wondering how this word is related to each one of us? I guess, this is one word that can be easily associated with all of us as we tend to assume a pretty good amount of things in our life. If a friend misses to look at our face and give that everyday look, we tend to assume that either she is unhappy or she's angry, no matter what the reason is. In fact, she would have been busy thinking something in her head and hence that stare. But no... we have to assume.. we have to assume on almost everything..



I dont know why people have stopped asking direct questions to each other or is it that its more easier to assume on something and then keep quite. Assumptions.. the word which's an integral part of the accounting job that I do.. but I think there's exactly where this one thought should be limited to also. It need not have become so much of a past of our day to day thoughts.. and emotions. Assumptions.. I assumed that he doesnt love me... I assumed that you would come this way... I assumed that you would do this for me.. I assumed.. and I assumed... why??? why??? all these great words in this simple life..

Going the Other Way !

There were lot of clothes in my laundry bag, waiting to be washed off and ironed and since yesterday was off, I readily soaked all of them without delay. By evening they all had dried up and just one press and they can all be kept back into my suitcase. As such ironing is one thing that I hate doing, I guess there's hardly 5-8 times, in my lifetime, that I have actually endured into this process. But this time it had a different reason and hence a different feel - my stubbornness was the reason and the feel was a happy one, of having achieved completing it without depending on anyone, not even the ironing wala.

One look back and I can always say that most of the beautiful things I am proud of having done is always or mostly backed up by my stubbornness of not being ready to let go. Its the urge to prove that I can still go ahead, that makes me achieve new horizons (though its a big word, am using it here) in life. Its this urge that helps me to endure in those basic things that I have always hated doing Myself, but then once done, it becomes another habit and hence forth a part of the routine. It helps me to be independent, I can say only for myself though...

I am not trying to deny the evr knwn fact that no man can ever be independent, they are all inter dependent in one or the other way. But my independence would mean being able to do things on my own in the worst situations; its not the being which is independent, but the mindset that is getting altered here; altered enough to include changes in the routine, which is one hell of a difficult thing.

I guess I would vote for a little bit of stubbornness and ego as always required for every human, but yes of course, just a little bit :-) Even if we look at the various books preaching on individual improvement, I guess, all of those practices and thinking pattern does require stubbornness and ego as the bare minimum qualities. Thinking a little loud have we thought - If not for the stubbornness how can any person stick on to positive thinking when he is at the worst of the situations? If not for the ego and the desire to be the best among a group, how can any organisation manage a strengthy competition among the colleagues?

May be a little negativity is always required in everything. If not for that little black dot how will we ever know about the white that is spread all around? If not for that one moment of hatred that we have felt, how will we ever recognise the flowing love? I think that's all it is.. there is no bad qualities in a person... it is all good and more important - a requirement to have all those feelings.. all those feelings that can ever emerge in a man's mind, if and if at all they are all within the limits and it helps the man to move forward.. to clear off the path and move forward through the wilderness. The Hard Self is as important as the Soft one.. no one can ever be all good and nothing bad, i guess.. though I would say that there are many a individuals trying for this feeling of being the all good self...