Memories - II

An email from year 2007!

Memories; they bring in the shadow of the past along with the glow of present!

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I don't know how we get into these fights.

A fter them I look back at the ashes
M ore shocked than hurt, as when a light plane crashes

S lanting numb through strange, unearthly lights.
O h, how I wish I could get off that plane
R ushing to its rendezvous with tears!
R age is but a mask for my shy fears.
Y et I would die before I caused you pain.

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I thought I must give up on life, And turn into a stone;
The desert wind quite suited me, No heart, no mind--just bone.

I thought it would be dumb to try, To want something again;
Wanting turns to need, and then,Transmogrifies to pain.

I laughed at people still loving to live,Who trusted someone's word;
To make my happiness depend,On faith, seemed quite absurd.

I lay alone and wonder-struck, Sleepless in my bed,
Still numb, still dumb, still ice cold, Not knowing I was dead.

And then you came and shone upon,My meadow full of snow,
And saw the flowers only love,Could recognize and grow;

And made me feel so beautiful,I shed my cold, cold skin,
And opened up my heart to you,And, fearful though, I let you in.

And from then, my dear, I am in love,
With all that I've been through,I know the worst of all the world

And I Believe in You!

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T here aren't many things I've gotten right in life.
H ow you stay with me I'll never know.
A ll I can say is that I love you deeply,
N or could I stand the pain if you should go,
K nowing what I know of wind and night.

Y our love remains my passion and my light.
O nly that can fill my heart completely.
U nless you're there with me, all my life's laid low.

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To say you are my world means,

That when I look at the sky I see your face,
And when I pause alone at the window;

I feel your hands on my back.

That the beauty of the garden,

Is all in the words I tell you;
That winter is my fear of losing you,

And that spring is the hope I never will.

That I have wrapped my life, completely around yours
That the beauty of a late summer evening is;

Inseparable from the beauty of our love.

-- -- With loads of love.... forever yours

Memories - I

A greeting card from year 2004!

Memories; they bring in the glow of the past along with the shadow of present!

Picture Perfect or Mirage

A good friend for a short but yet a long time, I had always thought of him as that little bro whose better capabilities were hidden deep inside, thriving to prove it all to himself and the world outside. And ofcourse that specific impression I created was pretty good a reason for me to get all still shocked and pinch myself to realise the matter of fact that I had actually missed out on a very important portion of his lifetime, which lied buried deep down - that he's a Widower. Something that I just couldnt come in agreement with, considering the loss that has befallen him at the young age of 26 - Loss of his Love!

How much do we know about the people who we relate to, day in and out? How much do we know about the people whom we tell, are among the ones close to our heart? I am just wondering now! Or is it that in every relationship we share, it's absolutely fine to know just that what is enough, about the other one. Not very sure on anything, but this is one thing that has caught me in the middle and is wandering in the back of my mind.

On putting a little thought on this, if I take my parents, I really don't know much about their life, though am a very important part of them. I know, just enough to relate to some of those few old times that they have spent in school or college or at home. I only know about some of those very few incidents that they have felt inspired at and been happy for. And then the rest of all that I know about my parents is the picture that I have created for My Father and Mother. Even if I try to think now as to what they really are, at some juncture it always merge in with this impression I have created and then the effort to get it back to know them as they really are, is little enormous.

When we talk about husband, wife, friends and who ever that cross in life, a major part of their image is something that is created by us in our mind with that one talk or a glance at them. But how far does this picture that we have created match with the real person is something to be actually thought of I guess. It could be the way they talk, walk, care or handle a situation that creates in us a particular impression of that person. And once imprinted in the heart, this image might take a long time or a pretty lot of related incidents for any kind of alteration or changes. And it has to be during the course of this change that the words like shocked, stunned, amazed etc would come into picture.

There are many a people who cross our paths in this journey of life, but I think its really important to know all about the people who are close to us and part of family, atleast. That itself might take away a lifetime ofcourse; getting to know about your parents, siblings, husband wife and kids. And getting to know them would include understanding and relating to their past, present and future dreams and creating a picture that is very similar to the outside real one, inside our heart.

On a second thought, I guess, it should be this course of understanding each other that make lives easy for some of those people out there. For, as long as you take every reaction as a related new learning of the persona, there is no assumptions, no comparison and nothing to be upset about. When you are not trying to fit in a person with the image in your head, there is no course for dissatisfaction in anything that they do, for you tend to accept them as they are and more importantly you are open to identify that all new factor about the person.

Quite crazy a thing to think about, obviously; but am really wondering if the people close to me, who are always loving me, who wish me good times - Do they Reeaally know Who I Am? What I Am?

Celebration of Maha Sivarathri

Thus goes the story behind the celebration of Maha Sivarathri!

During the Samudra Madhanam by Gods and demons, a poison that could have wiped out the entire creation, came out of the ocean. And at this time Lord Shiva consumed this poison to protect the beings. As soon as Goddess Parvathy came to know about this, she ran ahead and held the throat of Siva so that the poison wouldn’t be consumed and as a result Siva's throat became blue. A snake was placed around Lord’s neck to cool the effect of the poison. Goddess Parvathy and all the other Gods and Devaganas stayed awake the whole night to confirm that the poison did not affect Lord Siva.

According to the Vedas Shivratri symbolizes the wedding day of Lord Shiva and Parvati. There is also a belief that Shivratri is the night when Lord Shiva performed the Tandava Nritya - the dance of primordial creation, preservation and destruction. The day is celebrated in a customary manner wherein devotees pour milk to the Lingam and the night is spent by chanting verses and hymns in praise of the Lord. The festival holds special meaning for the ladies as they pray to Goddess Parvati for good husbands, marital bliss and a long and prosperous married life.

The twelve Jyotirlingas (lingams of light) are the sacred places of worship of Lord Shiva. They are known as "Swayambhus", meaning that the lingams sprung up by themselves at these places and temples were built there afterwards.

The Three eyes of Lord Shiva are depicted as the Sun (right eye), the Moon (left eye) and Fire (third eye). The two eyes on the Right and Left indicate His activity in the physical world and the Third eye in the centre of the forehead symbolizes spiritual knowledge and power, and is hence called the eye of Wisdom or Knowledge.

How did he do it?"

A. He cheated

B. He is lucky

C. He is a genius

D. It is written

Slumdog Millionaire (2008)

Won 8 Oscars. Another 62 wins & 29 nominations

HIS Wish or ...?

Right from childhood I have listened to many of them heave a sigh and talk about destiny and the God's Will in our life. At every turn of life, for all given situations most people tend to pacify themselves telling that "yes, this is what it is all about" and "this is what is fate" or "this is what is HIS wish for our life" Ofcourse, I am not exempted of this and at many a turn, I myself have kept the inner self all motivated telling that this is the best situation and the perfect one.

But it was very recently that I got to know the real difference of the feeling. The time when my better half had to take leave; the moment when I stood out there facing the whole reality of the situation, I don't know but somehow, somewhere deep down there, I knew that it was the most perfect moment of my life. On a retrospect, I found myself all calm and quite, accepting it as if all this while my heart and soul was getting trained to take this one situation in chastity.

And then I understood how the feeling is when things happens in life, according to HIS will. You just take it in fully completely without regrets. And when I say regrets, it doesn't meant that you'll happy or overjoyed or in bliss. You are sad but that sadness does not bring in craving or pity. It is just that after a point the sadness within, seeps into that abundant silence and then everything becomes completely silent all around leaving you with just a drop of hope inside.

25 things about Me :-)

I have been tagged by Reflections to jot down 25 random things about me. Since this is the first time am getting tagged on something, I was in full spirits to go ahead on this one.

Now the rules - Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to link the person who tagged you.

And as to why I have tagged you, its 'cos I would like to know more about you.

Okie... so here goes those little details about me :D

1. Favourite Music – chanting, anything soft, slow and melodious

2. Books – I enjoy reading Mills & Boons and I can also enjoy reading serious stuffs like The Unconsoled & Life After Death and all that. But Fairy Tales, Amar Chitra Katha and Romantic Novels are my all time favourites.

3. I have been wearing glasses right from the age of 13 – Concave Lens

4. Love anything and everything in chocolate flavour ;-) - ice cream, chocolates, pastries. I had this wish to have one full chocolate cake some day and for my last b'day my friends out here made this wish come true. I had almost 3/4th of a chocolate cream cake in one sitting... sluurrpp!!

5. Dress – favourite is Saree and Kurta Pyjamas. And one day I want to get into that perfect shape so that I can wear a Lehenga

6. There are these few days when I get into this Eating Spree and then, once it sets off in my mind and stomach, I can go on eating and eating and eating for the whole day…… But since it’s very seasonal it almost goes unnoticeable and my mom continues to tell that I eat very less :D

7. I had weighed 60-62kgs for almost like 10 years and then suddenly in a span of a year and a half I gained 10 kgs.

8. Though I can eat anything that’s served on a clean platter in a Restaurant, I have many a preferences when it comes to home food. I don’t eat boiled onions cut squarely, boiled brinjal (fried one will go in one gulp), lady’s finger, carrot, pumpkin, beans that's cut 1 inch size etc etc.. the list can go on and on.

Unless the food looks good (Very important), smells good (too important) and tastes good (important) I wouldn’t touch it. Again one exception here is, if the food is cooked by a person whom I like and love, then however the smell is and the looks are, I would happily wolf.

9. When I was in school I used to have this aluminium box with all the kitchen items and I had loved playing with them for a very long time. I guess I have it all even now at home. I used to have these mud pots also in which many a times I have cooked rice and made sweet kheer, lighting up a brief fire underneath.

10. For a very long time, for almost like 15 years, I used to address God as “ambaatti” and I remember this one time when my mom asked me to say sorry to God for doing something wrong and then I went upto the Krishna Idol and said “Ambaatti.. ennodu kshamikkane” (God.. pls forgive me) My mom who was all red with anger bursted out laughing then.

11. I have this habit called “chundu kudi” You might have seen small kids sucking their thumbs and then as they grow up they leave this habit. I had the habit of holding onto cotton clothes and fidgeting with the cloth to get into sleep and somehow I couldn't outgrow this habit. And so even today, at the age of 28, I still continue to rub my fingers on a cotton cloth when I get to sleep or when am sleepy :D

12. My wardrobe is full of Cotton dresses (except the 3-4 chiffon material salwars/tops that I have) and I prefer wearing only and only Cotton stuffs. Partly cos of comfort and mainly cos of my habit of holding onto the material when am all sleepy.

13. I had started dancing right from the age of 5 years and I learned it for almost like 9 years from then on. But by the time I really understood the value of the art form, I got busy with studies and then work and then a life. One of my dreams in life includes doing that one performance where in I can forget the whole world around me and completely immerse in the dance and feel the purity of love filled in it.

14. Very quick in decking up and shopping! No spending hours in getting ready for a wedding and similarly, no hours spent on shopping things that I really need. I go in and then come out happily, successfully in less than half an hour ;) - make up room or a cloth shop.

15. I fantasise this dream where am living in a backward area in the North of India, teaching in a small school and my house filled with kids (almost 20) and their prams and toys.

16. Ask me about the best of my friends, and I would say its in odd no. progression - A single one became 3 and now 5, with time and years.

17. I have loved 2 Guys in my life – I got married to One and the another continues to be my love for lifetime. Am talking about God ;-) (hahaha) and for me, HE’s a person fully alive in my thoughts, helping me out in all the turns and twists of life. And HE loves me and only me the most! ;-)

18. Craziest thing that I have done – I drank a Can Beer while travelling in KSRTC Bus in Trivandrum at 7 in the evening. Is'nt that a crazy thing for a girl to do???

19. Most proud thing - No regrets for any of the decisions that I have taken in life; believe me, I have taken quite a few at my own risk. Only at one instance I ended up hurting another person in the course of my stubbornness and that’s my Better Half. I was stubborn enough to marry him and try to lead a happy life :D But surely it was worth the effort and so I can tell - not a single regret in life.

My Motto - Everything that happens in life is for a Reason and is the Best - the Perfect thing!

20. One thing am very sure of not doing ever in my lifetime is driving a Car. So bad at the directions and roads that am sure if I get out, it’ll only be a nuisance for everyone out there on the road.

21. I can get excited for anything and everything happening around me. The reasons can be endless and silly – wedding for a known one, baby, job... anything and everything good that’s happening around can make me all excited. And when I say excitement it’s the heights of it as my friends have had tough times calming me down.

22. At one point I had thot that I wanted to become a Painter and had actually tried to sketch out the cover page of the book “The Mother” The sketch is still there in my belongings and that’s the one and only sketch that I made ever. Anyways, the sketch does have a close resemblance to the cover page and so any time I want, I can actually, consider this as a serious career option ;-)

23. I have stored all the greeting cards that I received till now from loved ones and close ones. Still have my slam books of 10th and 12th standard; Love letters, Love cards and every thing of care, concern and love that I have received till date.

24. My first job that I did was to sell out Dictionaries. Not a perfect job for a person who was pursuing CA, but at that time being on my own was the priority and so I got into this job of going from house to house and sell dictionaries. Did that for 2 weeks and by then I got an accounting job in one among the best Advertising Agencies in India. I still in keep in touch with few of those people that I had met then, who had bought the books just to have a good conversation with me.

25. Basically am a silent person. If am talking too much then it only tells that either am too excited about something or am too depressed and sad about something.

ooohh.. finally I finished my part! Surely a tiring task to write down about yourself :-)

And now to the next part of the story - am tagging all these people to write about themselves
(did u think I was going to spare you guys..? surely not.. hahahaha)

CBeth
CU
Sam
GoldenAgeGuy
Roopa
Menna
NovoneeL ChakrabortY
Bjcharles
Lakshmi
Sajeesh

V-Day

Valentine's Day .......

The Day when Celebrations fill up the air around and the Hearts brimming with Love seek out to the Loved ones, to hold and reveal how it feels like to share it all with each other.

Sigh!!! ;D

And for all those out there.. I have a wonderful plan to gift your loved one on such special occasions.

A Life Size Greeting Card with Beautiful Letters forming out into Beautiful Words to convey those Beautiful Feelings / Memories of those Beautiful Days - to tell them How Beautiful it is to Be with him/her.

The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. The greeting, which was written in 1415, is part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England.

On St. Valentine's day, the lovely sun,

Carrying along its lighted candle,

Made its way that fine dawn, not long ago,

Into my locked chamber, all in secret.

The gleaming brightness that it brought therein

Awakened me then from the sleep of Care,

In which I had been drowsing all night long

While lying on the bed of Painful Thought.

That day as well, to share out their booty

Of the benefits of Love, all the birds

Did assemble, who, speaking their language,

Cried out loud, demanding the provision

That Nature had ordained to serve them all:

This was a mate, as each had made their choice.

With their noise I could not fall back asleep

While lying on the bed of Painful Thought.

Then, with hot tears moistening the pillow,

I bemoaned all my bitter destiny,

Saying: “Birds, I see you on the pathway

Of all things that please, with joy expectant.

You each have a companion who suits you,

And I have none, for Death, betraying me,

Took my mate, so I languish all in pain

While lying on the bed of Painful Thought.

May the men and women of love's party

Be granted their St. Valentine this year!

Alone I remain, bereft of comfort

While lying on the bed of Painful Thought.

???????? What are you gifting your Valentine?? :-)

My Best Friend's Wedding!

The "L" who kept torturing me with her nutrition talks :=), who listened to all my cribs and cries, who shared the good and bad times for last 3 years, is on her way home for the greatest time in the life of a girl - her Wedding!!

Wedding - when life changes for everyone, with that one additional person coming in to share your sorrow and joy; to hold hands with you and walk through, together, the difficult of the paths; to share a lifetime growing, giving, receiving and then finally, that one fine morning relaxing over a coffee or a breakfast, to look behind and enjoy the whole ride together and appreciate one another for being there; for holding on!

Weddings still gives me that goose bump all over and more than the gala that accompanies the occasion, it is the subtle promises that the Bride and the Groom shares between each other silently, that touches my heart.

In today's life, must be with the changing lifestyle and evolution of men and women, the promises they share don't hold good for much long time.

But knowing the better of, I pray and hope that Let all the Blessings and Love be showered on these 2 people who are close to my heart; that Let them walk through, till the End of this Path, together and holding each other.

Hopeless but still lingering on

"God grant me the courage not to give up what I think is right even though I think it is hopeless."

She waited for him to call up and talk to her, even though the first lines of the budding conflict had set on, out from her. And as if the wait for a lifetime was drawing to an end, he said that he's tried it all and have got tired of all the efforts to keep up their relationship. I guess, that's how it looks like when a relationship of togetherness comes to an end. Nothing much to tell, no more to explain than mere truth of the feelings felt within.

But still, the strings that bound them up didn't sever itself. How the body clings on to life knowing that the next one is the last breath, their feelings for each other and the love they shared clinged on to them, trying hard to be alive once again; leaving them hanging in mid air for a very long time. Time and Life didn't wait for their revival and kept moving ahead while their resting hearts never realised a lifetime slipping off their hands. The only thing that remained was Hope! that even though their relationship didn't enrich each other anymore, though it reached a point where they were no more bound together; Still Somewhere deeper in the journey of Life, the reason for not being able to let go of each other could be found. And likewise the Hope and the Journey still continues for each of them!

The quote above pulled a known series from among my memories. There's been many a times, I guess in all our lives, when we have felt that something, a person or a life situation is completely hopeless. But still just couldn't manage to seep in the courage to get out of that person or the situation and move ahead; cos somewhere deep down inside the heart, we felt that its meant for me and its the right one. But the hopelessness of the situation lingers on in the minds until Time once again gets into the role of showing away the answer for holding onto it... for never having allowed to let it go!

* Sorry am with a sad face today and my blog sucks! :-(

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Looks like Time indeed gave an answer and Life asked for a new start, but this time the path is laid out in different directions promising never to cross again.

Week 's Ending

The work week 's ending and its going to be a boring 2 days coming up.

Can any of you please give me ideas on how I can spend my weekends, in the most useful manner. All kinds of suggestions and ideas are welcome and would surely be considered for their practical inclusion into my life schedule :-)

Notes:-

* Cannot spend time on household stuffs like cooking, cleaning etc since I stay in hostel and so the routine work is very minimal

* Cannot learn music since am interested in Veena and there's no nearby place where they teach that instrument

* Reading is going on in full swing and so you can leave out on that :D

Long lost Ship - but they Return

Some Like Wooden Ship,

Some Like Silver Ship,

Some Like Gold Ship,

But I only Like FriendShip

There are many a lines of the similar kind filled in my autograph books of Xth and XIIth standard. Then, we had bid goodbye to each other, with tear filled eyes and a promise to keep in touch. But as days went by and life moved ahead, somewhere the connecting wires crossed ahead and parted in different directions, leaving behind some beautiful memories of innocence.

Why all this flash back is cos yesterday I got to talk to my age old friend - she was "my best friend" from 4th standard till 10th. After school we were in touch for few years and then whoosh!!!... looking behind we had no idea where the link had broken loose. Talking to her after almost 13 years was like digging into the core of our brains and remembering the school days once again. And what made me more happier was that I didn't get drained away at the end of the conversation

( I usually do get that feeling.. Sometimes, how much ever you try, it becomes difficult to connect back to people, even if you have been close to them during those early days)

I was happy, contended and more over felt at peace knowing that all those people are still there around, to whom I can just turn back and hold hands with. As for her, she's managed to remain just the same, bossing around me, telling me what to do and what not do!! (oh pls.. not after all these years... ;D but I really loved the way she did that, for it proved that time haven't changed anything much)

Sometimes, certain relationships, no matter how much the distance is or how much you have stayed away; Somewhere around the corner, you once again bump into them and more comforting it is, when you know that you can still cling on to those links and welcome them with open arms and a warming heart.

'

Health - Its yours but still not your's

To be in Good health is one thing that is very important for the lifestyle and situations that we have today. With the constant run that we all do in our everyday life, it sometimes is impossible to remain sick or to take a days rest in bed.

Ben Franklin once quoted like this - “While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us”

It’s really essential to understand our body and relate to the many changes that it keeps undergoing. And I would vouch for the fact that, even if you take your time to once in a while touch and hold yourself, specially your arms, legs, eyes etc and thank them for helping you to carry out your daily activities, it just wouldn’t count as insanity. But instead these organs of our own body might end up stretching themselves inorder to help us in carrying on with our will and vision for the future.

I have come across many a people who’ll start to feel down and low as soon as they are diagnosed with diseases – small or big. But in my own experiences, I have witnessed the extent to which a body can actually rise up, to your expectations from it; if only you would spend sometime understanding it’s problem and make that effort to get the body relax itself. The end result for that little pampering you give would be a tremendous recovery from what ever it is – the disease that’s beaten you up.

Mostly we never understand this different but yet intertwined concept – you, your mind, your thoughts, your body. When each of these aspects retains their own individuality, it is their combined efficiency that makes the “You”. And this is exactly the reason why we don’t have the right to take it for granted these individual aspects or rather, it turns out to be a responsibility on our part to tender to each of their distinct requirements.

It’s obviously impossible for any person to keep their body devoid of any forms of disease. But it is the tender care that we are able to give for the affected part, which would help an easy recovery and a complete revival. At times, just like a naughty child, this body of ours also would have that tendency to go haywire and behave unreasonably for the situation. And then is the time for us to gulp in the power of our will and bring in a bit of strictness and rigour into our routine.

In the current day life, where most of us have chosen to park ourselves in front of the computer screens, the most of our will power is required to get that lazy body of ours exert a little.

Bernard Shaw Quotes on Health "Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out. That is what it is for. Spend all you have before you die; do not outlive yourself."

The wind blew with the song of their Love

The breeze that flew in allowed the paddy crops to dance around and as if listening to the calling of the rice plants, she came out from inside the small hut that stayed in the middle of the field. Though the afternoon sun glowed bright and hot, the sway of those rice plants was one sight that she never missed during the day. And as if on a premonition, she turned and looked over at the bungalow that stood on the far end of the fields and there he was, among the shadow of the walls, glancing at her down from the terrace.

The whole of the paddy fields that extended over, along with the surrounding acres of land was owned by the aristocratic family. As generations passed by, most of the lineage migrated away to the cities, leaving the family who currently occupied the ancestral nalukettu. Padmanabhan had paid off the due shares to all the other members of the family and now owned the entire property around, to himself. The big house with the lot number of rooms spread across around the nadumittam, was now occupied by him, his wife and his son who is working in B’lore. Madhu visited his parents twice a month and the urge to wrap himself in the peace and quietness of the village was just one of the reasons that pulled him home every time, away from the city life.

He was strolling through the coconut groves one evening and there she was; coming opposite to him with the halo of serenity and simplicity glowing all around her. She wished him with a smile and that prompted a flash of memories in his eyes, of the small girl and boy who ran around the widespread fields, who played together those long forgotten games in the dark rooms of the nalukettu, who held hands and walked through the riverside talking away in endless innocence.

He could never tell if it was the thought of old memories or the simplicity in her beauty that made him fall in love with her. From then on, the desire for him to reach back to his home increased, and the silent conversations that he shared with her through the breeze that blew over the fields only reiterated those initial feelings that he had felt for her. Believing on his instinct, he revealed his love to his parents, his desire to marry the girl who had till then lived on his family’s kindness and consideration.

It has to be the wisdom that had accumulated with their life experiences, his parents were more than happy to include her in the family, for they had always wished for the well being of that one girl who grew up under their shadows. And nothing could have made them more happy, than to allow her to take their own lineage ahead. A grand wedding was arranged within the decorated nadumittam of the nalukettu and the people who came in asserted it on the virtues of the family which’s being retained since generations without fail.

It was on the wedding night that she revealed to him, that it was he who had always filled in her dreams – the dreams of her childhood, adolescence and as for her their uneventful wedding only proved that it was a life together for them, decided right from the heaven above.

After a few days stay, the newly wed couple flew into the busy city life once again and from then on, it was the silent days of their love that pulled both of them back home.

As if to bless them a “happily ever after” the rice plants swayed on a dancing pace and a cool breeze blew across the field, singing for them, the song of their own love.

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Thinking why such a topic covered in here? This was a story that I used to fantasise about when I was a kid. I had this habit of making up stories in my head while getting into sleep and this's one among them. Nothing surprising ofcourse for the people who know the better of me; fantasied love have always been there inside my head right from childhood :D

A Light of Soul - but a Wandering One

She was a thin, short, dark girl and she kept talking on the phone late through the night. And it was on a much darker hour of the nightfall that she unfolded her life story.

Married since 5 years, but somewhere during the time span, she got divorced from her husband who was also her lover for another 6 years before the wedding. He was a Dance Trainer and the time that she spent with the guy made a well trained, beautiful dancer out of her. Though dark in complexion, it must be her composure on the whole that caught everyone’s eye and forced that second look on her.

On the wedding night, the love that they had shared for all those years suddenly vanished and what remained were days of unfulfilled expectations, agony and annoyance which finally transformed into a never ending hatred between the two. Their much awaited love life and togetherness lasted not more than a year and later they got legally separated.

She was a person, who had almost nothing to look forward in life – no dear ones, no career and absolutely no future plans. Her parents and siblings were well settled and moreover her brothers preferred to keep her away from the family, for all the shame of a not so family approved wedding and the certainly unpleasant divorce. She stayed away from all of them and restricted her visits to once in 2 weeks or less, ideally when her brothers were out at work.

As for the workplace, she had no much ambition to grow up the ladder and her only interest was on keeping up her job (or any job for that matter) for the pay that came in at the end of every month. And must be because of the way she carried herself, or the aura of insecurity that was all around her, the people who approached with tender talks and loving concern, mostly guys, were interested only in spending that temporary night alongside her. The knowledge of her past relationship and the lonely present added it up to the odds for each one of them.

All the insecurity that she had borne with and lived with mounted up and made her let herself loose to that one guy who was most certainly never the best but definitely the worst for her life and her consciousness. He was a married man in his early 40’s who was so grossed in setting up his business, that, the time he spent with her made him unwind himself, out from his own family concerns. As for her, she was fascinated by the power of his will to attain all that he wishes to achieve in life, not realising that she was also just one among his fantasies. Giving the reason of his business, he remained away from his home and family at nights accompanied by her, working hard in his small office and then spending the rest of the time in his newly set up resort.

Days, months and years passed by and their relationship even with the ups and downs, continued its flow. He had the reason of his hard work and not a soul to sympathise with him, to keep her hooked onto the relationship. As for her, the fact that someone actually needed her out there to talk, to share and to hold onto, was more than an enough reason for living and to give away a lifetime, by being that silent, unknown partner of his nights.

Whenever she tried to get away from their empty relationship, it pulled her much deeper into it just like quicksand and all the wrestle with guilt and her consciousness about right and wrong, ended up right out there in vain. And as if all the remorse and burden that she carried silently within her was just not enough, she ended up having a child with him and out of the absolute practicality of the situation; she had to go in for an abortion.

At times, when love and hope turns their faces away, humans do end up choosing the most embarrassing way of living a lifetime. Even though many of her close ones gave her the option of working for an NGO or adopting a child to give her life a meaningful tincture, she chose it to pour it away completely on him, for him, accompanying his lonely nights, whenever he asked for it.