Tuesday, February 3, 2009

A Light of Soul - but a Wandering One


She was a thin, short, dark girl and she kept talking on the phone late through the night. And it was on a much darker hour of the nightfall that she unfolded her life story.

Married since 5 years, but somewhere during the time span, she got divorced from her husband who was also her lover for another 6 years before the wedding. He was a Dance Trainer and the time that she spent with the guy made a well trained, beautiful dancer out of her. Though dark in complexion, it must be her composure on the whole that caught everyone’s eye and forced that second look on her.

On the wedding night, the love that they had shared for all those years suddenly vanished and what remained were days of unfulfilled expectations, agony and annoyance which finally transformed into a never ending hatred between the two. Their much awaited love life and togetherness lasted not more than a year and later they got legally separated.

She was a person, who had almost nothing to look forward in life – no dear ones, no career and absolutely no future plans. Her parents and siblings were well settled and moreover her brothers preferred to keep her away from the family, for all the shame of a not so family approved wedding and the certainly unpleasant divorce. She stayed away from all of them and restricted her visits to once in 2 weeks or less, ideally when her brothers were out at work.

As for the workplace, she had no much ambition to grow up the ladder and her only interest was on keeping up her job (or any job for that matter) for the pay that came in at the end of every month. And must be because of the way she carried herself, or the aura of insecurity that was all around her, the people who approached with tender talks and loving concern, mostly guys, were interested only in spending that temporary night alongside her. The knowledge of her past relationship and the lonely present added it up to the odds for each one of them.

All the insecurity that she had borne with and lived with mounted up and made her let herself loose to that one guy who was most certainly never the best but definitely the worst for her life and her consciousness. He was a married man in his early 40’s who was so grossed in setting up his business, that, the time he spent with her made him unwind himself, out from his own family concerns. As for her, she was fascinated by the power of his will to attain all that he wishes to achieve in life, not realising that she was also just one among his fantasies. Giving the reason of his business, he remained away from his home and family at nights accompanied by her, working hard in his small office and then spending the rest of the time in his newly set up resort.

Days, months and years passed by and their relationship even with the ups and downs, continued its flow. He had the reason of his hard work and not a soul to sympathise with him, to keep her hooked onto the relationship. As for her, the fact that someone actually needed her out there to talk, to share and to hold onto, was more than an enough reason for living and to give away a lifetime, by being that silent, unknown partner of his nights.

Whenever she tried to get away from their empty relationship, it pulled her much deeper into it just like quicksand and all the wrestle with guilt and her consciousness about right and wrong, ended up right out there in vain. And as if all the remorse and burden that she carried silently within her was just not enough, she ended up having a child with him and out of the absolute practicality of the situation; she had to go in for an abortion.

At times, when love and hope turns their faces away, humans do end up choosing the most embarrassing way of living a lifetime. Even though many of her close ones gave her the option of working for an NGO or adopting a child to give her life a meaningful tincture, she chose it to pour it away completely on him, for him, accompanying his lonely nights, whenever he asked for it.


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